How to mend a broken heart

[Dorsini]

OSU!!!! my kyokushin brothers, and sisters. I am a shodan, who recently had a break-up with a woman who I truly loved:(. What advice do you have, for me. So I could focus on college, and my training. OSU-EN2.

[StarKodama]

I was dumped in an extremely cruel way a while back... he was another student at my dojo but thankfully after he dumped me, he switched branches so we wouldn't run into each other so often. I hope your ex isn't a fellow karateka..?

Anyway, I found the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" to be EXTREMELY helpful. It's aimed for girls but the advice contained therein holds true for everyone. Basically just remember that even though you and she undoubtedly had some happy times together, she just wasn't the one for you.

Use this newfound time to focus on what makes YOU happy. Pour yourself into your training or take up a hobby you had the time for. Most important is to keep smiling!! Eventually your Miss Right will come along.

...Going back to my story, after getting dumped I worked even harder at training for the next tournament. My senpai was also going for the same tournament so we trained together most nights and then would get dinner together after practice. We've been happily dating for a year now :D Keep your chin up!!

[Billy no mates]

I cant really give you advice but i can give you sympathy as its the worst pain there is but it does get better .

[Olrac]

Keep smiling and focus on everything that you enjoy. :)
And remenber...most of the world population are females :D
Osu-JP1

[Azimuth]

Only time will heal the wounds . You might be a little down for now but chear up , enjoy life to the max and try to focus on yourself .
If you don't force it you might meet somebody else pretty soon .
Let it come the way it comes .

[supergroup7]

I send you my condolences for this moment in your life. I can understand the grief that you are going through. There are always the usual stages of grief that you will face; sadness, bargaining, anger, denial, and then acceptance. They don't always follow that pattern.

I found a webpage that discusses all of the aspects of surviving such an event, and being able to grow, and become stronger from it. How to mend a broken heart (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm)

I pray that all works out for the best for you.

[Spirit]

You don't
As a man you rip it out of your chest and crush it into thousands of pieces and then spit on it and walk a way.....

Oh, you asked about love and broken heart?!? sorry, I was thinking about love and divorce...

Can't help with this one!

[Lucy]

Osu Dorsini,

This is hard for you, but you are still young, remember that and concentrate on YOU. Let yourself cry don't bottle anything up it'll make you stronger in the long term. Really get to know yourself, try and understand what went wrong and when you do, learn from it and move on.

Personally i would throw myself into my training and spending lots of time with my friends so i don't get lonely. Emotions are best let out in the dojo...on a bag that is, not your sparring partner! I would talk about my break up to help get it out of my system and talking to others helps you understand why it happened. But don't, whatever you do, rush into another relationship. It not fair on you or a new gf. Yes it will help you get over your last relationship, but you wont be doing yourself any favours! You'll be sweeping under the carpet your feelings for you ex then one day they will all come out and hit you even harder. So dont get involved with anyone else right now.

Learn to love yourself then the girl for you will appear :). Take your time

[feels]

Cheer up. I hope you feel better...

YouTube - Peanut Butter Jelly Time (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=areyUfCNFxY)

[schuyler]

Drink copious amounts of alcohol. Once you're drunk you forget you are unhappy, and the next morning your body hurts so bad you don't have time to think about anything else.

This of course might not be good for college or Kyokushin training.

Time heals all.

[DKKC]

Just train!!

[Shokei Marcsui]

"Got curious.... so I googled it."

How to Mend a Broken Heart | eHow.com (http://www.ehow.com/how_116958_mend-broken-heart.html)

Introduction

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially. These suggestions may help you navigate the painfully troubled waters of a relationship that has ended.
Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging
Days 1 and 2

Steps

1
Step One

Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.

2
Step Two

Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."

3
Step Three

Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.

Month 1

Steps

1
Step One

Week 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk. Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music. Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift. Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it. Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.

2
Step Two

Week 2: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade. Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle (http://www.ehow.com/how_116958_mend-broken-heart.html#), have a spa day or go shopping. Resist the urge to call your ex.

3
Step Three

Week 3: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship? Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. Resist the urge to call your ex. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup (http://www.ehow.com/how_116958_mend-broken-heart.html#) kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.

4
Step Four

Week 4: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain. Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships. Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.

Months 3 to 6

Steps

1
Step One

Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.

2
Step Two

Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.

3
Step Three

Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves (http://www.ehow.com/how_116958_mend-broken-heart.html#) of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.

One year and beyond

Steps

1
Step One

Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."

2
Step Two

Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.

Read the signature.... :p

[smoothsake]

Consider combining what you need to focus on (college, training) in a different country. Go study abroad for a summer/semester and bring your gi. You will also find that there are plenty of great girls outside of the US -- another way to mend a broken heart is to find someone else!

Good study abroad countries and also seem to have plenty of dojos:
1. Japan
2. Brazil
3. AZ/NZ
4. UK

[vapor]

Without sounding too harsh.

Deal with it.

Life isn't always cheery, but you can decide what you do with the lot that are given, and the one that you forge for yourself.

You will be fine. Might not feel like it, but you will.

Don't get all emo on us. You are a karateka. Be strong. Look forward and get on with your life.

vapor

[seienchin]

Osu Orsini,
I kind of agree with Vapor's sentiments - but I'm not quite as mean as he is (and I'm a girl, so I don't care if you go all emo on us!).

However, when I have had some very bad things happen in my life (my sister died when she was only 40), I saw a counsellor who said "You can't choose how you feel, but you can choose how you behave. So get out there, and live as though you feel OK, and eventually, you will". I think it was the best advice I have ever received from anybody.

Best of luck. May romance find you again soon.
OSU-EN2

[vapor]

I am not trying to mean....I am just saying, that if you are talking about focusing on college, that would put you in a borderline 20yr old's shoes (which is an assumption)...

It might sure seem like a tragic event, which, it is.

However, there is so much more out there to look forward, than to spend too much time spiraling yourself into misery and self-pity.

And just to show that I do have a heart, and have gone through much of the same----When I was 19 yrs old, I was in love, had the future planned out....but was going to go do a few years overseas volunteer work before taking things to the next level...she was going to wait for me when I got back, we were going to get married...we knew where we were going to live, work, etc., etc.

Less than a month before I began my volunteer work, she had a full fledged affair with a married guy.

You want to talk about your life coming crashing down around you....anger, doubt, fear, distrust, hopelessness....I went through it all.

You can not imagine how many days of sleeplessness I went through as I tried to sort out how the rug could have been pulled out from under my feet, when I had things laid out so well....

To make it worse, she got pregnant from the situation...

What did I do?

Went forward with my volunteer work, it was hard, it was a distraction for a long time...

With the ability of hindsight to free me of the emotions and pain of the time---I am a better and fuller person because of it.

I have had so many amazing experiences since then, travelled the world (I think I am up to almost 25 countries visited so far) worked outside of the US for a huge chunk of my life....all of which wouldn't have been possible had things gone as orignally planned.

I didn't have the foresight to think that any of this was even possible when I was 19.....didn't know that my wife would be more than I deserve, and that by meeting her some 10 years after the first big blow-up when i was 19, that she would allow me to grow and become the person that I am now....

Again, the sentiment of dealing with it, comes from knowing that you have your life waiting for you. Go embrace it.

It obviously wasn't meant to happen with her....you will find someone who can return the devotion and adoration that you are capable of giving.

vapor

[seienchin]

Now THAT's more like the Vapor I thought I knew.
OSU-EN2

[Lucy]

Hey Dorsini im in the same boat as you now! :(

Just had to read this thread again, ironic i was only giving out advice last week or so, but my 2 year relationship has come to a nasty end. Last thing i need when im meant to be fightng in 3 weeks! At the moment im on a downer :(

How long does it take before you feel better? Or at least a little bit?

[nzproud]

I have had this early this year.. I hope you will be happy soon again. See my avatar.. training is your new partner.

Osu.

[Bloke]

Lucy sorry to hear that and so close to the tournament. Its going to be difficult but maybe having the tournament so close can be a good thing as it will give you time to think - meanwhile you're still training - dont let all the hard work go to waste.

Just noticed that even your avatar looks sad.

Keep on keeping on!!!

[Olrac]

osu Lucy,
don't be sad....think of it as a wise lesson for the future.
And remember that we (duck brigade) love you. :p
Keep training hard for the tournament and show them your fightin' spirit.

Osu-JP1

[seienchin]

Oh Lucy - SAD!!!
Maybe you can change your signature, and we can go and inflict pain on the one who has broken your heart?:D
I can only give one piece of advice. Just breathe. Then you will keep living, and then you will love again. So just breathe.OSU-EN2

[Satori]

Sorry to hear it Lucy...

Cheer up: you're an attractive woman, and if your posts are anything to go by, you should be an absolute pleasure to be around. People like that don't remain single for very long! :)

[vietchau]

Hi Lucy,
I just broke up with my gf recently too. We were together for a long time. But I guess it's always easier for guys. Now I have more time to train and I feel my techniques are a bit stronger. I think you should try to put some of your angers into your opponents in the tour. :) .

[Spirit]

Hey Lucy...
I been through a very heart breaking divorce and it is a hard thing to work through alone.
If I can possible give you one word of advice that help me "Friends"!!!
they where their before your relationship and they are their now after it...

I had a tough 07 myself, Me Mum died in July (at 85) and worse (sadly to say but it is true, for me) my dog Tarma I had to put her down in February.

Hey you could always come to New England in the fall , Its a unbelievable place when all the leaves turn bright colors in the mountains. Crisp cool air and wildlife come out, I often have deer, turkeys, owls Hawks etc come into my yard.

Anyway, no words can mend a broken heart, even though you feel it will never go away it will and it will mend.

OK
Chin-up and back to bag work girl!!!!! OSU

[supergroup7]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain, Lucy. I wish that I could make it all better. All that I can offer is a hope that, in a very short amount of time, you will feel complete, and whole again. Take care.

[Lucy]

Awww now there's some love! Cheers guys :)

Im hoping i won't take my anger out on my opponents in the tournament soon. I did feel like not doing it at the beginning of the week, but im better than that. I let karate go once before for a guy....something i will NEVER do again! (that ended in marriage, 2 boys and then divorce) I find training makes me feel better. I feel confident and its the one thing im good at and i know there will always be open arms to me in kyokushin. But when i finish training and think about how much i have progressed during the last 2 years i know that my bf pulled me out of a rut and made me realise my potential....then i feel glum.

I will spend extra time with my friends. I have alot of them luckily and their good ones :) I shall have a wild bender and dance til i drop to relieve the pressure, only once i have done my tournament though!

Yeah the avatar is sad i chose it because it reflects my mood right now! Never been lucky in love :(

I will come out stronger i agree, but for the time being its a man free world for me. I have my 2 little guys to look out for its not so easy finding a relationship when you got kids. Ahh lots of my plate. I shall turn my anger into passion and fire it into my training :D

[seienchin]

Hey Lucy...It think you should go read this post of yours again

http://www.kyokushin4life.com/forums/knockdown-karate/1970-am-i-tough-enough-5.html#post26570

You carry your own best advice in your head. You always have, you just have to dig it out!

OSU-EN2

[Bloke]

But I guess it's always easier for guys.

I have been through some pretty devasting breakups but I'd never suggest it was easier for the girl. How can you know?

[vietchau]

I have been through some pretty devasting breakups but I'd never suggest it was easier for the girl. How can you know?

Yes, but I only 'guess'. Men often try to think rational while women are more emotional (of course you can give many counter examples or call me a sexist but you know it is true :P ). After a break-up, the best thing to do is not to look back cos you can't do anything about it, just get on with life and try to make yourself busy at all time , which is logical. But somehow I always find my male friends do it better than my female friends.

Btw, when i said that sentence, it was more like "I want to share my sympathy with Lucy. I am in a similar situation, but it looks like it is harder for her.

Osu.

[kanku]

lucy, i`m sure EVERYBODY from k4l will be cheering you on at crystal palace !!

a wiser person than me said time is a great healer, i can vouch this is true + i am happily married now.

[bushido spirit]

weather u like it or not , its small price in life to pay , am sure u had some bad times but also good times , remamber the good times nd smile, it will make such a nice memory ( when ur standing in 1st place lfting ur cup up high in a world tronument :D ) nd life goes on bro OSU!!!

[Lucy]

Who needs a boyfriend when i have you guys lol. Ahhh it's nice :D

[Shokei Marcsui]

Are you a lucky duck?

I just realized that. :)

[Lucy]

Are you a lucky duck?

I just realized that. :)

Yes, yes he's here to bring me luck :)

[sexininja_bex]

you don't need luck luc because you're a wicked person and you know that!
Just remember you have all your brothers/sisters/cousins/uncles/etc at karate and they'll always be here for you!
XXX

[Lucy]

you don't need luck luc because you're a wicked person and you know that!
Just remember you have all your brothers/sisters/cousins/uncles/etc at karate and they'll always be here for you!
XXX

I'd like to add thats wicked in the good sense lol. Cheers little sis lol :D

[sexininja_bex]

you can be wicked too!! lmao! XxX

[Lucy]

Well.... when needed eh ;)

Anyway enough about me where is Dorsini who started this thread?!? :(

[Tettsui]

Think of your life as a pie chart and your relationship as a piece of that pie. The larger a part of that chart it was, the more it's going to take to fill that space. You feel empty because there actually is a part of your daily life missing.

In order to get rid of the feelings of loss, you're just going to have to fill it with other things, whether that be activities, school, work, training, etc. You have to take active control of your life.

The more you dwell on it, the worse it gets. So don't think, just do and say yes to all the opportunities to go out even though you don't feel like it.

Besides, girls are repelled by a guy who's weepy and desperate. They can smell it like 3 month old unwashed gi.