Grading heartbreak

[StarKodama]

I can't believe this has happened...

Today was my grading to go from 4kyuu to 3kyuu. We had to know the entire Taikyoku, Sokugi Taikyoku, and Pinan series of kata, plus the ura versions of all those. Plus a million different combinations of moves that our shihan made up. Plus a written test... in Japanese.

I've been practicing like crazy for this test. My sensei, Ryuuji, is also my boyfriend and he helped me by teaching me everything I'd need to know for the test. So I went to the HQ dojo a little nervous but confident, because I'd drilled everything a thousand times and I knew it all cold.

The test lasted six hours. I did ok on the written test and then the physical test started. I was nervous but still doing ok, doing all the kata and combos with conviction and a big kiai at the end.

Then Shihan told us to do this combo that I'd never heard of. I'd never heard of it, so I couldn't do it. I knew that was grounds for flunking, not being able to do even one thing. But I was determined to stay positive and did the rest of the kata the best I could.

We got a little break while we put our sparring gear on. Ryuuji came up to me and was like "I'm so sorry, I forgot to teach you that combo. You've gotta do really well in sparring cos you're in danger of flunking the test now." Gee, thanks.

I got stuck with the only other woman there, a 2kyuu lady who is also the current champion of a big tournament. It was my first time fighting without gloves on, but I'm really proud to say that I definitely held my own and got a few hits in. I knew I had to really impress the judges, and I think I did. I went home happy and confident...

.... but I just got an email from Ryuuji saying that the judges decided to flunk me. Just because of that one combo.

Now I have to wait months just to go through that huge ordeal all over again, and now my name goes on a poster of people who failed the test that gets posted in all the dojos. I have to explain to everybody that I failed the test. This has gotta be one of the worst days of my life.

I'm not really mad at Ryuuji... but I definitely feel betrayed. I do NOT feel that I deserved to fail. Just the fact that a foreigner has never come as far as I have in this dojo is worth something, I think.

A lot of the other folks at the test just seemed to be going through the motions, doing the kata but without any real force to the moves and with a barely audible kiai. Why should they pass and not me?

I'm sorry to make such a whiny post... but I could really use some wisdom or cheering up or something. I feel awful. I still can't believe I failed....

[seienchin]

OK - so you failed a test. We have all done that in some sphere of our lives. The first thing is to apply some key questions, to give you perspective. The ones I use are:
Did any one die?
Did any one end up permanently maimed?
Will the sun still come up tomorrow?

You feel like crawling into a hole right now, but guess what - you still win. Because no matter the result of the grading, you still get the results of the TRAINING, and at the end of the day, that is what actually counts for something.

Our journey in karate is as much about learning to cope with challenges as it is about success, and the measure of a person is not how they conduct themselves in success, but how they deal with disappointment. It is likely now that everyone will be watching you - for some show of western tantrum, some indication that you were unworthy of the grade.

Let your conduct YELL at them that you are worthy internally and in the things that they observe. continue to train without missing a beat. give no excuses for the grading result. Be humble, and simply state that you were not good enough. and that you will train harder the next time around.

I had a situation like this when I was not allowed to grade, and there was no logic to it, from my perspective. The only thing I could see was that if I had graded, I would have overtaken the sensei's girlfriend as the senior female in the dojo. It was horrid, but I did not make a scene, and learning to grit my teeth and endure the humiliation of effectively being told I wasn't even worthy of turning up was a good lesson to carry on with, and has stood me in good stead in the rest of my life.

You know what you did well, and you know what you didn't do. Learn from it, forgive your beloved if you haven't already, and walk the talk of the dojo kun, which says not one word about grading success.

and come here, where you can weep amongst friends who understand when the unfairness of it threatens to overwhelm you.

[Nix]

I'm sorry to hear that, StarKodama. Gradings can be harsh, and I can imagine how bitter it must be that you flunked because your sensei forgot something. When I failed for 2nd kyu, my sensei told me that failing is a valuable lesson in itself, and that you will appreciate your new rank much more when you eventually succeed. Bitter consolation, I know, but still. I hope you can use this as motivation to do even better next time.

Osu,
~ Nix

[kakatootoshi]

Dear StarKodama,
What combo was that? Were other people on that day able to perform the same combo?

I hope you can stay positive and perhaps you need to take a break and concentrate on other parts of your training. If one day what happened today no longer stirs up your mind, you are ready for the next grading. Just keep us posted. Your training is not wasted.

A lot of the other folks at the test just seemed to be going through the motions, doing the kata but without any real force to the moves and with a barely audible kiai. Why should they pass and not me?

These are not nice words. If this time you passed, would you feel ashamed to pass the test as this test were also passed by these folks other you look down upon?

OSU!

[vapor]

StarKodama,

I know that you are disappointed.

The only words I have to offer you now are this:

(and I say this from the perspective of someone who has lived a long time in Japan...13 years, and the clock will resume again after the first of the year when I transfer back to Tokyo)

There are certain occasions that happen while living in a different country, that have the potential to change your perspective on daily life and trigger a chain of events.

Quite often if the trigger is pulled, the ball rolls down the negative side of the mountain, and it becomes very very difficult to get back to the positive side, or even a neutral place in your mind. Writing off the years spent living there appears to be the only "rational" way of dealing with the situation.

Please don't allow this to happen to you.

I have seen it happen to others around me, and if they let it, becomes a turning point in their lives, and not always for the better.

Allowing the "victim due to gaijin" status to root is not a path you want to take...no matter how it may seem now.(and for all we know, may be true...I know that I got spanked constantly in the dojo because I was the only foreigner, and not a tiny one at that....I made for a good target to the gunning young men in the dojo to bring to life a dillusional fantasy that they were fighting in the world tourney or something, when we were only supposed to be doing light sparring!!)

Be strong, work past the disappointment, and force yourself to stay postive.

vapor

[tmd]

I am sorry to hear you failed Star as clearly you have the right commitment and attitude but take it from one who has failed multiple gradings - you will go on, it will make you stronger and more determined and you will know what to expect next time around.

This is one of the hardest 3rd Kyu Gradings I've heard of and when you pass it you will stand as one of the best 3rd Kyus around.

People are failed for all sorts of reasons, sometimes it is to make them appreciate the journey and appreciate more their achievements, no comfort now but next week, maybe, next month possibly next year for sure.

[Gheorgei]

hey Starkodama, i failed my 5th kyu grading! it hurt alot, made me want to jack it all in, but after a few weeks away i returned to training, got on with it, and 6 months later passed! With hindsight i came to thinking that it wasnt that bad, ok i failed! but i think you need to experience all aspects of Karate, including faiiure, to progress.
you'll come back stronger and more philosophical. maybe its an experience that will drive you forwards in time.

[DKKC]

I'm sorry you are going through this StarKodama!

But there are a couple of things I see in your post that I need to 'question':

1 Giving that your instructor failed to teach you that combination, isn't there a possibility for him to put his hand up and tell the judges it was his misshap rather than yours?

2 You seem to be more worried about the publicity -people knowing you flunked, and about re-doing the grading, rathen than be upset that you failed. You seem to be happy with your performance - you did well, fought well against a superior opponent, done better than other participants - if it wasn't for that combo you would have passed. I would say forget about everyone else, what they might think or say! I would say you didn't fail (or flunk) you just didn't pass this time. And if anyone asks why - tell them it was because you didn't know that combo! It's not the end of the world! If that is the only reason, then you will have an easier task next time. Yes, long day and hard work, but you have to catch up on so little!! You will not only pass, but you will do so with flying colours!

As for feeling betrayed, it's normal. You've trusted your Sensei completely and he made a huge error. I'm sure he's kicking himself harder than you could ever kick him!!

Make sure you train hard and get everyone else wondering why on earth they flunked you when your technique is so good. Put those who passed to shame with your hard training, dedication and superior technique. Go out there and give it your all so that people see what your made of! If they did really flunk you because you are a foreigner, make them regret their decision by showing them your strong spirit, hard work and discipline. And by not letting them getting you down!

I know it's hard now, but learn from this experience - it will serve you well in the future and it'll make you stronger mentally.

[supergroup7]

In my opinion, Starkodama, you didn't fail at all... You did your best with what you had, what more can you ask of yourself?

Please do not compare your walk in Karate with others, (although I don't blame you for doing so, as I do this many times myself) It doesn't matter if someone else achieves the same rank with what you feel is less effort, because that doesn't reflect "who" you are. You need to be able to look yourself in the mirror, and feel satisfied with what you put forth.

You admit that you didn't know that combination.. well ... that is easily fixed. You will learn it, and I'm sure that you will learn it well.

Also, you have gained another couple of months in your life to advance even more in the knowledge, and skill of this level even gaining a step upwards into the next.

I remember a wise Sensei friend of mine telling me these wonderful words:

"Learn to accept your strengths, and good moments with the same grace, and peace as you accept your weaknesses, and bad moments.. both are filled with opportunity."

I wish you well in your Path.

[DKKC]

Originally Posted by supergroup7

"Learn to accept your strengths, and good moments with the same grace, and peace as you accept your weaknesses, and bad moments.. both are filled with opportunity."

Or one of my favourites by Rudyard Kipling:

'If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same'

[Aunty Ichigeki]

I'm really sorry for what you had to go through but maybe it will help if you think about it the belt on your hips doesn't matter. The grading day to me is not really how you grade. You did all that work and you've probably made a huge leap in ability as a result so you haven't lost anything except 'face'. It might be really arrogant but for years I've graded myself. I missed my first shodan grading (got pregnant) but there was a point in my training I decided I was a shodan wearing a brown belt. I stepped up and tried to look like a shodan. The grading day wasn't the leap for me. I realised I'd rather be a good looking brown belt than a poor looking black belt and when you think about it, when you walk into a new dojo or a tournament you notice if a student is impressive or not and THEN you look at the colour of their belt. I think it's way cool to be better than you should for your grade.

The loss of face is hard to take but it will make you stronger. I've talked about muteki on this forum before. It doesn't matter what 'they' do to you, if you don't let it effect you in the head then you gained strength by what they did. Same in a fight which is why we thank the opponent who beats us. Be pleased you did so well and be pleased you have the choice to accept their decision with humility. You might feel powerless but really you have the power to be magnanimous about it and congratulate those that looked ordinary at the grading and now have a new belt... who'd want to be them???

[powerof0ne]

Sorry you didn't pass but I'm sure you will the next time. I failed a test early in my karate training because I was dumb enough to test when I had strep throat and couldn't perform at 100%. I had a strict sensei that would put you through some insane tests, even if you were the only one testing you could count on at least 4 hours. I have never failed a test since, I think this was for nana kyu, can't even remember now. You'll do fine on your next test, don't be hard on yourself when you couldn't perform something you never learned before!

[Surfer_Sam]

speaking from experience failing a grade is a bummer, its embarrassing, it hurts, its unfair, its disappointing, it really really sux no matter wether the reason is in your control or outside your control.

It seems you did well in everything but one thing,

it will be easier next time you only have to learn one thing - you know everything else.

And in the end we are training our hearts' and bodies' for a firm unshaken spirit.

[MUX]

Starkodama in my opinion it wazn't your fault. You should be confident that whatever waz taught to you, u did it absolutely fine. I must say after all that you still sparred very well and didnt lose ur confidence. I know one guy who had a comparitively same situation and got KNOCKED OUT in kumite. U should use this incident in your favour, be more commited, train harder, and when u'll achieve your goal you will value it more. STAY CONSISTANT and REGULAR. OSU..!!

[GJEChamberlain]

Osu! Starkodama

I cant help thinking that there's more to this than meets the eye, but for your own feelings I can offer nothing better than, "It WILL come" - as below.

Gary

[kyofighter]

Good luck next time.

Please dont learn the combos like a robot. Try to adapt as you go, even when facing new combos , at 4th kyu you should be able to adapt.
I ask my students to perform new combos at every test, also in regular class they need to invent their own combos at least once a month, startig from 8th kyu already.
Karate is not something that you have to memorize only.
Stay strong and learn from the test, even if you failed.

[StarKodama]

Hi everbody,

Thank you SO much for all your advice. This forum is the absolute best!! It really means so much to me.

For the record I feel much better now and I feel ready to try the test again (and conquer it!) in November. I'll go back to training again starting tomorrow. I'm ready!!

Thanks again! Osu!!!!

[seienchin]

You go Girrrll! And remember, we'll all be there with you in spirit any time it gets tough....