Joke of the Day :)

[tmd]

Originally Posted by koji112091

At a recent tournament there was a karate-ka and a ref.

Karate-ka: "Hey! ref is this your cell phone?"

Ref" "No. Why?"

Karate-ka: "Well, it must be, because it says 12 missed calls."

At least I now know that these ref's are universal

[Lucy]

Why are pirates called pirates??

Because they ARRRGHHH!

[seienchin]

Lucy - all I can say to that is .

A married couple are lying in bed together on the morning of their tenthwedding anniversary when the wife says, "Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it's time I made a confession ..............
Before we were married, I was a hooker for eight years."
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says "My love, you've been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our se x life a bit!"
She said, "I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played for Parramatta."

[hasbeen]

a giant ant like creature knocked on the door and a little boy answered,the ant said,"i want to speak to your father!"...so the little boy called his father.


the father said,"hello what can i do for you?"...the ant looked at him and kicked him straight in the family jewels and disappeared.

the boy not knowing what to do called an ambulance.....on arrival at the hospital the doctor asked the man what happend...and he told him.

after much consideration the doctor said,"yeah there is a nasty bug going about"

[Bloke]

An all time classic hasbeen - I love that joke.

[vapor]

what do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef


vapor

[hasbeen]

what do a fly with no wings ?


a walk !!

[hasbeen]

two lions walking through a shopping mall,one says to the other...

"not many people about for the time of day!"

[mpeters]

White House Briefing - President Bush's morning security briefing is wrapping up.

Donald Rumsfeld is concluding his part and says,

"Finally, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday near Baghdad."

Bush shrieks, and buries his head in his hands for a seemingly interminable 30 seconds.

Stunned at the unexpected display of emotion, the president's staff sit speechless, not sure how to react.

Finally, Bush looks up and asks Rumsfeld, "How many is a brazillion?"

[Kyokugen]

AHAHAHAHA 2 thumbs for seieinchin that was surprising

[Bloke]

Originally Posted by mpeters

White House Briefing - President Bush's morning security briefing is wrapping up.

Donald Rumsfeld is concluding his part and says,

"Finally, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday near Baghdad."

Bush shrieks, and buries his head in his hands for a seemingly interminable 30 seconds.

Stunned at the unexpected display of emotion, the president's staff sit speechless, not sure how to react.

Finally, Bush looks up and asks Rumsfeld, "How many is a brazillion?"

Best joke Ive heard in years - fantastic laugh.

[aoerstroem]

Hehe, lots of good ones in this thread. Now I don't have to do situps tonight

[seienchin]

Q. What's round, got teeth and bites










A. A vicious circle

[seienchin]

Maybe this is why they don't teach music in some high schools any more. Following are actual answers from students on music tests...
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know ex- actly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
- Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical com- positions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.

[hasbeen]

a coach load of people with learning disabilities decend on a pub unexpectedly, up at the bar they order a great big round of drinks and the barman says, "thanks that will be £45.40 please"....one of them offered him an ashtray and said keep the change!

overhearing all this the group leader said look, let them order what they like and i`ll settle up at the end of the night...the bar manager being an understanding sort of person said o.k thats fine!

at the end of the evening the group leader went up to the bar manager and thanked him for everything and said how much do i owe you? £235.00 was the reply.

thanks said the group leader, have you got change of a frisbee !!

[jcc]

A woman walks into a bar, completely naked and goes up to the counter. She orders a beer, which the barman starts to draw. While doing so, he keeps glancing over at her, with a strange look on his face. Eventualy, annoyed the woman says: "What´s wrong, have you never seen a naked woman before!"

"Of course", replies the barman, "I was just wondering where you were going to find the money to pay for this!"

[tmd]

A coach load of blind people in football kit turn up at a village pub, the leader walk in to the bar and orders a round of drinks, while pulling them the bar man asks about the football kit. "Oh we're just coming back from the match, these guys are the new Blind association football champions!"

"Stop pulling my leg, they're blind!" The bar man replys

"Oh no they're really good, we use a ball with a bell in it works really well." The leader explains.

"Get away!" the bar man exclaims, "We'll if they want a kick about there's the village green out back, they've a fate on today but it should be ok."

After setting up a match against some of the local lads the leader return to finish collecting up the drinks, suddenly a guy riushes in; "Are you with this football team??" He asks in a panic, the leader nods, "We'll you'd better get out here quick they're kicking the hell out of the Morris Dancers!"

[Bloke]

Great joke tmd - a classic

[tmd]

Originally Posted by Bloke

Great joke tmd - a classic

Not sure everyone around the World will understand what Morris Dancers are and I'm not describing them for fear or racial abuse