Joke of the Day :)

[vapor]

One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said.

"Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!'
"Why not" said the officer.
"Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same."

"But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP."
"But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist.

The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist.
"What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise.
"Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.

vapor

[hasbeen]

talking of policemen.................

a police car chases a motorist along the motorway, sirens going ,lights flashing but the car just goes faster and faster........this goes on for about 20 miles until the motorist crashes.
the policeman not best pleased says,"what the hell do you think you were doing !"

well says the motorist, my wife left me for a policeman last week and i thought you were trying to give her back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bloke]

Good stuff Boys

[vapor]

Three country boys were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says.

"When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

vapor

[vapor]

A bit tardy for Easter...but here we go...

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?




Bugs Bunny

vapor

[vapor]

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

vapor

[DKKC]

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figures she would break him of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful, and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
I'll explain the toy. . You explain the kids

[hasbeen]

this is ripped from todays paper=i thought i would share!!

three girl pals were discussing their blokes. one had a boyfriend, one was a mistress,the other was married.

they agreed to dress up in sexy black basques,suspenders,stockings,stilettos and wear little masks to give the boys a treat.

the next day they compared notes. the girlfriend said,"my boyfriend called me the love of his life and we made passionate love."

the mistress said,"my man was struck dumb but we had wild sex"

the wife said,"my husband took one look and said,"hello batman,what`s for dinner!"

[Bloke]

Nice one hasbeen

[vapor]

A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.

A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

vapor

[DKKC]

Persistent little snail!!

[Dent]

Osu!

I see these jokes will lead to a shame spiral, but here goes...

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Out of nowhere the bartender and a bouncer grab him, punch and kick him before throwing him out the back door. With a final punt, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here!"

The piece of string picks himself up, dusts himself off, and thinks about it all for a minute. Next he stretches here, and turns there, messes up his hair, and walks back through the front door.

The bartender looks him up and down, and says, "You're not a piece of string are you?" The piece of string looks him in the eye and says, No, I'm a frayed knot."



Osu!

[vapor]

and the crowd moans!!

vapor

[Dent]

Osu!

Thank you, thank you very much! (Bows and exits stage left )

Osu!

[Kansetsu]

Muwahaha....this joke might get me banned...lol.

Q: Why did the Rooster Cross the Basketball court?









A: Cause he heard the ref was blowing fouls....

[hasbeen]

3 hours into a transatlantic flight the captain comes on the tannoy and says,"we have had all four engines fail,our hydrolic systems are down and it is my duty to tell you that we are going to crash!!"

this announcement was met by a deathly silence until one of stewardesses stood up and screamed,"i`ve got five minutes to live,is there a man on this plane who can make me feel like a real women!?" and started taking her clothes off.

five rows back an "arnie" lookalike stood up unbuttoned his shirt and said,"so it`s your dying wish to feel like a real women,"

"yes,yes,yes," came the reply!!

he threw his shirt at her and said,"iron that and make sure the creases are sharp!"

[Nix]

Hah, nice one, hasbeen. That reminds me of a funny clip from a newspaper:

[Dent]

Osu!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahhahahhaa.. ..........

Now that video would be worth money!

Osu!

[hasbeen]

Originally Posted by Nix

Hah, nice one, hasbeen. That reminds me of a funny clip from a newspaper:

great find nix