World's Best Resignation Letter?

[Olrac]

If one of you guys is thinking about changing jobs, maybe here's a good resignation letter.


Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consistently performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, "I prefer not to comment." To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your "Favorites," which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.

When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mother's b-day," you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)

I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*ck with your systems administrator, Mr. Baker! They know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely



David Blocker

Network Administrator

[Spirit]

I have one thing to say...
2 wrongs do not make a right!!!

[dimi_108]

LOL damn

Hmm I never knew it was illegal for an employer to give a bad reference, is it?

[Nix]

Very inspirational. I approve. This reminds me of British Complaint ofthe Year.

[Spirit]

In America you are not able to give a bad ref or you could be sued for defamation.

But it seems to me that both had issues and both where wrong... I have faced those IT people all full of themselves, can't tie their shoes, but can insult your intelligence because you don't know the software or hardware like them...

[tmd]

I have to say I have had managers that I could describe as equally inept - never quite managed to put in any more poetically than 'stick your ******* job!' though.

How do they become managers????

[jcbel]

By schmoozing with the right people... unfortunately self-promotion is a necessary evil now, not many places recognize good work outright.

[seienchin]

This is a true story.

I had a dreadful boss COMPLETE control freak. I got a new job. I had a 2 week notice period in my old job, but trying to do the right thing, I wanted to give 4 weeks.

I went in to see my boss, and told him that I had a new job, and that I would be leaving in 4 weeks.

His reply - "I think I have some say about that" - he truly believed that he could tell me I wasn't allowed to resign.

We argued.

I walked out saying "which bit of I QUIT don't you understand".

No accounting for some....