Some More Chuck Statements

[Dobbersky]

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch: he decides what time it is

- It's really Chuck Norris who decides what Simon says.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Jesus Christ was born in 1940 "BC" (Before Chuck Norris).
- The reason why Jesus Christ hasn't come down on Earth for 2000 years is because he owes Chuck Norris money.
- Chuck Norris has actually counted up to the infinite. Twice.
- My freedom ends where that of Chuck Norris begins.
- When Google can't find something, he asks Chuck Norris.
- Switzerland really isn't neutral, they just wait to know what side Chuck Norris is on.
- There's nothing such as a Theory of Evolution. Merely a list of species Chuck Norris allows to survive.
- Chuck Norris once swallowed a full box of sleeping pills. He blinked.
- The last man to ever shake Chuck Norris's hand was Jamel Debouzze (TN: a French comedian who happens to have only one hand)
- Chuck Norris isn't affraid of a heart attack, for his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- When Chuck Norris uses Windows, it doesn't crash.
- Some people wear a Superman pyjama. Superman wears a Chuck Norris pyjama.
- At some point, Chuck Norris had killed so many terrorists the CIA's 5th most-wanted fugitive was a Malaysian teenager who had just illegally downloaded "Les Choristes". (TN: a French family movie)
- Chuck Norris donates blood to the Red Cross on a regular basis. But that's never his own.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of four-in-a-line in three moves.
- Chuck Norris can understand Jean-Claude Van Damme.
- Chuck Norris and Superman had a game of arm-wrestling, the looser had to wear his underpants on top of his trousers.
- When Chuck Norris's slice of bread falls, the butter switches sides.
- Amnesiacs can still remember Chuck Norris.
- For a law to apply to Chuck Norris, he must be explicitly cited in it.
- The number Pi will stop when Chuck Norris says so.
- Chuck Norris doesn't call hotlines. Hotlines call Chuck Norris to ask if everything is OK.
- God said "let there be light", and Chuck Norris answered "say please".
- Chuck Norris is exactly 1 'Chuck Norris' tall.
- Chuck Norris once managed to place "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis " on a triple word score in a sudoku grid.
- Chuck Norris can soccer-tackle when playing foosy.
- If it tastes like chicken, smells like chicken, looks like chicken but Chuck Norris says it's mutton, then it IS mutton.
- There are no end-credits after an episode of Walker Texas Ranger: it's actually a list of demises that happened while shooting the said episode.
- Chuck Norris can find a haystack in a needle.
- Chuck Norris once hacked into the CIA network using a euro converter.
- Chuck Norris once sent a nudge to one of his friends on MSN. The poor guy's house crumbled down.

[Bloke]

Nice stuff here Dobbersky - I've moved it to open discussion as its more relevant here.

[Mikemok1981]

Chuck Norris's tears have been found to cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck never cries.

Chuck Norris once became so mad when a McDonalds wouldn't serve him his egg McMuffin at 10:35 that he round house kicked the McDonald's so hard it became a Wendy's.

The top three causes of death in the U.S. are
1. Heart Disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

[Dent]

Osu! Mikemok1981,

The last one? Ouch!

Osu!

[seienchin]

Originally Posted by Mikemok1981

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Love it!

[jcc]

Chuckie Baby - AKA God, has heard about this thread and will be visiting you soon - please don´t leave your desk...

[Mikemok1981]

There seem to be an endless supply of these.

Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

[_Simon_]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

hilarious... -

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

- If it tastes like chicken, smells like chicken, looks like chicken but Chuck Norris says it's mutton, then it IS mutton.

great stuff haha

[Nix]

Ah, dead horses. People sure know how to beat them. On an even less related note, division by zero is in fact possible, as illogical as it may sound to us simple mortals.

[Mikemok1981]

And on an even less less related note, I dig you signature. Bender is the greatest.

[jcbel]

Does anyone know if this started with Vin Diesel or Chuck Norris first?

[vapor]

I think Vin Diesel was first, but Chuck Norris certainly took off!

vapor

[Bloke]

Thare was also a load of Jack Bauer (from 24) facts doing the rounds too.

Jack Bauer Facts

[jcbel]

Lol... some good ones in there Bloke!