I won't force my child

[tansei]

I've had this discussion with parents for years, and i've dealt with it myself with my daughters. The parent says, "i don't want to force my child if he/she does not want to continue in karate."

Before I share the response I give the parents, I would like to hear what you would answer these parents.

I know there are some of you that would suggest "don't teach kids"... sorry but this doesn't help me. I would like to hear from those of you with experience teaching kids and speaking with parents.

[Olrac]

First of all I would like to mention that the age of the children is very important.
A 13-year old is treated differently than a 6-year old child.
If a child wants to do a different sport every 3 months or so, it won't hurt them to force them to continue to do karate.
I've heard many times parents telling their children that the monthly fee has allready been paid so they had to continue for at least 1 month.
As for the 13-years old "little monsters" (I have my own son in our classes), I think forcing them will only accomplish that they will dislike the sport even more. If they don't want to continue, there is not much you can do.
It is so frustrating to have a child in the class who is not motivated to learn.
We usually try to start a conversation with the kid asking them why they want to quit. Most of the time there is a boyfriend or girlfriend involved, or friends are doing a different kind of sport and they want to join them.
We always listen and talk to the kids..not to the parents.
We don't have the parents in our class, so what the parents want is not so important to us.
The child is the one that has to enjoy the class...if they don't then it is better to wish them good luck with whatever they will do next.

I would like to mention that, as I am not the dojo owner, this is my personal opinion.

[tansei]

I appreciate the parent's perspective as well. Thanks for your honest answer. This is the common response I get as well from parents and children.

The age group i am referring to is between 6 and 14.

[tmd]

Like Olrac I am no the dojo owner but I would rather have 10 kids eager to learn than 11 with 1 who did not want to be there as they can be such a disruptive influence on the class. If the child has become bored it could be frustrated at not picking things up as quickly as they expected too or as others seem to have so you would always have to talk to the kid - why did they come in the first place, what have the learned so far? Has it been because they have failed a grading? In a tourney? Even by having these type of interactions you may keep the child interested or at least learn something for your growth as an instructor or to share with the forum .

There are so many variables to each individual situation it is hard to conclude a straight answer except to say there is no one answer. Will keep an eye on this thread to see how the 'older hands' answer.

[tansei]

Let me put it another way. If you were a parent and you placed your child in karate because you know it will benefit him/her. The first few weeks while it's still new to them, they love it. Then for some reason, they don't want to do attend the classes anymore. Assuming the instructor hasn't really changed much in the structure of the class. In other words you can't blame the instructor for your child's lack of interest or commitment for this particular example.

What would you do in this situation. Would you say, well son, if you are no longer interested in learning karate, then it's not worth spending any more money and we'll try something else?

I'm interested to hear both sides; the parent who believes in the values that karate may bring to their child, and the experienced dojo owner, or instructor that has dealt with this situation before.

[tmd]

I will still do what I sggested and talk to the child - if it's in the first few months it's probably becuase you haven't turned them into a ninja yet (or whatever false view of karate they had) and they are realising there is a long road ahead - they need to be told prefurably by the parent that no great achivement is without labour which is why I think any disapline is good for them but especially Karate as it is a life lesson sooner learnt the better, I would not let my child quit becuse it became hard I would talk to them and reasure them that in my opinion it will be worthwhile. Break it down for them - little achivements lead to great sussess etc etc etc.

If the kid does not want to be there becuase they have decided the dojo/ instructor is not for them there is no more that can be done. I would encorage the parent to find somehting else for the child to do.

[Spirit]

Parents force (more like convince them to continue) their kids in other sports, often the ones the parents wished they could have played (mad the team, or been better... living when they where that age.

Unless the parent trained in Karate, then they will not convince the child to continue.

It is the program that keeps the kids interested. yes their is alway going to be those who don't like your classes, that is life.
What I have found to work as well observe in several dojo is structure and consistency in the classes for the youth classes.

Running a class with these 2 elements is a key factor of the young mind, it gravitates to this type of environment as a mind that is growing.

Does other ways work for others YES and one needs to find that niche that works for you rather than looking for what works for others.
Culture, country etc make all this so, what working in Northeast of America will not necessarily work in the Southwest...
What works in TKD, will not work in Goju etc...

I would say look back (if you keep records on past students) see when they leave... after 3 months, after yellow belt, as summer begins not returning after summer vacation, or a set age...

Do a exiting interview would help you collect info that could help you find what it is that is causing students to leave, or how you do it or even the day you have classes, all could be part of the reasons they leave.

Remember, very often people do not really tell you the truth to why they are leaving, you need to ask the proper questions to get to the truth.

Collecting info on quiting students is more important than knowing why others stay.

Also you could be either to easy on the kids or to hard they are equal to each other and will cause kids to leave or get bored.

I started teaching kids in 76 and have taken notes ever since, I may not be 100% correct, but I'm sure their is info that could be used to help you out.

[SHIDOKANATLANTA]

If as a parent, you really want your child to learn karate, present it to them as something they need to try for a certain period of time and let them know that they can't quit within that time period. Let it be like school and chores. Those are things that they have to do. They have to learn math, reading, etc. and can't quit those things (even if they want to).

[Spirit]

Originally Posted by SHIDOKANATLANTA

If as a parent, you really want your child to learn karate, present it to them as something they need to try for a certain period of time and let them know that they can't quit within that time period. Let it be like school and chores. Those are things that they have to do. They have to learn math, reading, etc. and can't quit those things (even if they want to).

Though sound theory
I did not work for me as a kid....

[tmd]

Originally Posted by SHIDOKANATLANTA

If as a parent, you really want your child to learn karate, present it to them as something they need to try for a certain period of time and let them know that they can't quit within that time period. Let it be like school and chores. Those are things that they have to do. They have to learn math, reading, etc. and can't quit those things (even if they want to).

As a parent I understand the principle of this but the main issue I have with this is class management - the parent drops of the kid kicking and screaming or just in a bad mood and you have that disruptive influence in your class for the next 1.5 hrs - how you are then forced to deal with this could impact on the other students and your abiliy to balance your time/ class.

[supergroup7]

I have always held that it is my child's choice, and therefore their responsibility to live up to the demands, and challenges of that choice in any endeavor that they do. When they approach me with a desire to do something such as learn guitar, or take karate, I provide for them an idea of the expectations of this kind of activity, and I make them aware that they must live up to these things for the session that they have signed up. At the end of that session, the child has a choice to continue the activity or not. I warn them that it is not my job to make sure that their equipment is taken care of, that they practice at home, nor that they get to class on time. I do not "force" them to practice, or train, but also, I do not complain, nor support their complaints if they do not get their next belt rank if they do not apply themselves. It wont matter how many tears that they shed, I will just show them the reality that they didn't practice, they don't know their requirements, and next time they should prepare for their test.

My children attended these activities because they wanted it, and due to that fact, they happily practiced at home on their own, and therefore excelled in class. They have all shown almost perfect attendence, even to the point of showing up early for each class. They also learned that gaining something valuable to them means making hard choices, personal sacrifice, and effort. I like the results of how I personally chose to handle this "issue".

As for my own students when I was teaching, none of them wanted to quit, or showed negative feelings about training, instead they brought in friends, and family members to come train under me. My dojo doubled in size during the time that I was teaching.

[koji112091]

I remember talking to the coaches kid. He said that he hated playng football and only played because his parents made him. I envyed him for this.

[Aunty Ichigeki]

Oddly enough the kids who don't want to come are usually the kids Uncle is pretty happy to see the back of. I usually commiserate with the parent & suggest they don't worry but try again in a term or two... or more.

If the kid is a valued member of the class & enjoys it when they get there but is hard to get to class I might try a McDojo line... "hey I totally understand! If a kid is having fun at home or somewhere else, why do they want to get changed, get in the car & travel to the dojo so they can have fun there? I'm the same to be honest but I know that if I'm going to achieve anything in life I sometimes have to get changed & get in the car! I think it's a pretty important life lesson and one that we often face at some stage when we train in martial arts. So if you can stick it out & get him here I like to think it's worth the effort. It doesn't take long before habits are formed and we become 'hey let's do it' types vs. 'hey, I can't be bothered' types. We love having Jimbob in the class, he's excelling and I know *with sincerity* Sensei would love to see him continue. If we can do anything or if you want us to have a word with him let us know... we're happy to support you both any way we can."

[Spirit]

Originally Posted by Aunty Ichigeki

Oddly enough the kids who don't want to come are usually the kids Uncle is pretty happy to see the back of. I usually commiserate with the parent & suggest they don't worry but try again in a term or two... or more.

If the kid is a valued member of the class & enjoys it when they get there but is hard to get to class I might try a McDojo line... "hey I totally understand! If a kid is having fun at home or somewhere else, why do they want to get changed, get in the car & travel to the dojo so they can have fun there? I'm the same to be honest but I know that if I'm going to achieve anything in life I sometimes have to get changed & get in the car! I think it's a pretty important life lesson and one that we often face at some stage when we train in martial arts. So if you can stick it out & get him here I like to think it's worth the effort. It doesn't take long before habits are formed and we become 'hey let's do it' types vs. 'hey, I can't be bothered' types. We love having Jimbob in the class, he's excelling and I know *with sincerity* Sensei would love to see him continue. If we can do anything or if you want us to have a word with him let us know... we're happy to support you both any way we can."

Well Put!!!!

[Aunty Ichigeki]

Thanks Spirit, Osu!
I got it from a Shuman Concepts DVD (Little Ninjas)