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07-07-2007, 02:03 PM
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#1
Managing Parents of Juniors
I'm interested to hear about any methods or techniques that people have used (or seen used) to avoid the phenomenon of the apalling "karate parent" - you know the kind - who is an expert in every technique, behaves inappropriately at tournaments and gradings etc.
I had a rule at my dojo that if parents stayed in the dojo, they trained. simple. No spectators. No armchair experts. I didn't charge them any extra,but they couldn't sit at the back and complain that they didn't have enough time to exercise !!! Over time, I ended up having whole families training together, and had some very positive feedback about this experience for them. any other methods for keeping the "shockers" out, and helping kids by helping families? OSU 
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07-07-2007, 03:25 PM
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#2
Strict rules of engagement:
1.No spectators . 2.No spectators. 3.No spectators. OOH I forgot NO SPECTATORS 
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07-08-2007, 11:16 AM
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#3
Well, first off we tell parents that once a student enters the dojo or are at an event that we as a dojo are attending, they are our student and need to follow the dojo rules only. This way if the parent does not wish to follow the rules, theyunderstand them up front before they join the dojo and can make the desision to join or not to. The parents need to be told up front or at first chance of any undesired behavior at the dojo or event. One needs to be honest and firm, better to lose one student than to lose several do to that parent...
We are the dojo owners and chief instructors, they come to us for knowledge and quite often discipline (can tell you how many parents asked me to discipline or talk to their kids about issues, why do some people become parents???), if you do not walk the line you will be walked on. I have seen it so many times when a instructor is so concerned about being a nice guy/girl to everyone that they end up be walked all over and soon the dojo is closed. Most tournaments will D/Q anyone no matter if it is the parent or the student who is getting out of hand... The lounge/viewing area is all ways blocked off behind walls and doors so no noise etc makes it to the class, this also keeps negative energy out of the dojo. Testing is always closed to anyone other than the students and even then we keep students seperated by rank and/or age groups as well. Once you let one person do one kinda wrong thing even if it is small and you like the person and don't act on it, it will spread to others you may not like as much and grow, and grow & grow. This may sound a bit autocratic, but it is your business and your rules... Though I never let good deeds go by unnoticed as well, so it is a balance of kindness with a firm hand of rules. You need to remember, the one person doing is seen by all not doing, but may once it is seen and not handled.... Last edited by Spirit; 07-09-2007 at 01:57 PM.
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07-08-2007, 08:36 PM
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#4
Wow! Funny timing. We are completely different. Parents are encouraged to stay & watch (the parents of the older kids rarely do as parking isn't great) and we've never had any problems. Parents of the pee wees are encouraged to participate. Some participate side by side with their very shy child & Uncle uses them to hold pads, dangle balls to kick, be jumped over, walked on (depending on the parent) etc. They really enjoy it & I've watched a few who were very shy about encouraging or gently coaching other peoples kids really come out of their shells. I can tell they feel useful.
We've only had one parent problem & this was 2 weeks ago. Uncle failed a kid at a grading because his behaviour was so bad on the morning run (the kids had slept over). The mother wasn't present (never is) but has been calling in tears demanding the boy be graded. It's very sad. She completely disagrees that there should be consequences for the boys' bad behaviour. No wonder he's the naughty kid! She's withdrawing him from training. We're devastated for him. He's a great kid & did a great grading otherwise. 
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07-08-2007, 09:54 PM
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#5
No Parents
 They are completely in the picture,and are always notified of every misbehavior and good conduct. Rules of conduct are posted on the notice board for all to see. No parents at gradings. They are encouraged to support contests. Visiting grand parents are allowed to sit in on training sessions and are extended the uttermost courtesy. We go by the rules with no exceptions.If a parent wants to watch they have to participate in the class just like everyone else.
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07-08-2007, 10:07 PM
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#6
Quote:
__________________
Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict pain of our karate feets to some ass of the giant lizard person
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07-09-2007, 02:00 PM
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#7
I like the parents to watch class, thats why we have a viewing area, but it is closed off and has a one way mirror. This way the young kids, focus on what the parents are paying for...
Testing is personall, no matter age. It is best if the kids have the least amount of streess, no parents watching less stress... Last edited by Spirit; 07-10-2007 at 01:00 PM.
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07-09-2007, 02:21 PM
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#8
Osu,
We also have no spectators in the dojo. Sometimes when small children have their first lesson, the parents can stay and watch but this will only distract the children. There is a small window where people can watch the training if they like. Also at gradings: no spectators, only when the kumite part starts the parents are allowed to watch. The window in our dojo is open when the children are training and it is closed when adults are training. "What happens in our dojo, stays in our dojo"
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07-11-2007, 03:07 AM
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#9
My sensei actually allows spectators, but only if they don't disturb the training session (sit down, shut up and watch
).A few months ago, during a kumite, my Gedan Mawashi's made my opponent unable to walk (I did serious damage without really know it. I felt really bad ). What happened was quickly acknowledged by parents, and they obviously complained to Sensei about a 14-years-old kid that is a danger for their child. Fortunately, Sensei explained to the parents that such bruises are common in the way of Kyokushin, and they shouldn't blame anyone. Nevertheless, some people still look at me differently. It can't be helped, isn't it?Quote:
__________________
formerly rxrliu =]
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07-11-2007, 08:17 AM
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#10
Learning Curve
 Rxrliu. What happened to you is a common experience for all of us. I got razzed during a grading once when I winded my sparring partner..it turned out that she was a junior - 14 years old. However, she had no white stripe on her belt, and I had just thought that she was a young-looking adult 5th kyu. (I was same rank).Whenever you hurt somebody without meaning too, it is important to take the time to reflect on what happened, and identify what you would do differently next time. You might find that you have something you could express to the parents of the child that would make them feel like you have learned and grown. In my day-job, I manage a hospital. Even when we hurt somebody very,very badly, sharing information about what we have learned and what we would do differently next time helps with the healing. Karate is no different.
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07-11-2007, 02:03 PM
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#11
My partner was a 2nd kyu 40-ish woman (I was 5th kyu). She didn't complain. Neither did his husband. Now I don't even dare kicking her
__________________
formerly rxrliu =]
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07-11-2007, 02:07 PM
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#12
Quote:
Do not think about it and move on. Dwelling on such minnor issues will hurt you as a fighter, you will learn to focus on the person for the wrong reason and end up yourself the one hurt. IF anything is to be said to the parents, it is the place of the sensei to do it
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07-11-2007, 02:09 PM
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#13
Quote:
You are already going down the wrong road..... Focus on the sparring not the injuries to others {unless your a bully then......} Last edited by Spirit; 07-13-2007 at 12:28 PM.
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07-11-2007, 09:48 PM
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#14
Reflective learning
Jap-Man. An opportunity for us to disagree. That's a relief. I was hearing a rumour that we were related!And disagree, I do. One of kyokushin's weaknesses is the lack of control its students have. This results in high attrition. It is never OK to hurt somebody by accident and then just move on. that is a wasted opportunity. I'm not saying to mull over it and lose confidence. I am saying to think - how did this happen? Was it just bad luck? - if it was - then that's OK, and move on. There are accidents and there are accidents. If the accident was caused by a lack of judgement, a poorly executed technique, or even a loss of temper, those things are learning points. They will result in the maturing of the karateka, and ultimately create a yudansha who understands his or her own weaknesses. I guess I am passionate about this because I have suffered qutie debilitating injuries in karate...at least one of them was a complete accident. No malicious intentt..just an accident. Buy my whole dojo learned from this. Nobody said "oh, it was just an accident...move on...wouldn't want to ruin your fighting by worrying about little things like unintentionally crippling somebody...". Don't misunderstand - I am not BLAMING..and I don't suggest we should. An innocent mistake is not a blameworthy act. But it is still a learning point, or the mistake will keep on happening. Rxrliu's, I think your experience reflects exactly this. It seems to me that you don't understandd what went wrong here, so can't control whether or not it happens again. If you knew exactly how it had happened, you will either be able to choose to do that again in future (in which case, you won't be hurting by accident, it would be by choice - and that might be OK, depending on the circumstances), or you can choose not to do it. Then you wouldn't have to worry about facing that partner again. (and you will both relax, reducing teh chance of further injury).
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07-11-2007, 10:19 PM
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#15
I have to agree with Seienchin. We have had a couple of high grade students who consistently hurt (break ribs, knock out) our students. These same students stuggle in tournament because they aren't good at percieving when they have truly hurt their opponent or how they 'present' to onlookers (specifically judges) in relation to their opponent. They don't agree there is a problem. They think they hurt students 'by accident' & are just unlucky. They're wrong.
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07-12-2007, 03:23 PM
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#16
I allow parents to stay and watch the class. I even provide seating for them. But I always make sure to discuss with them that there are certain expectations for this priviledge. I provide them with a letter explaining why I desire such things as no talking during the class, no distractions, etc.
I haven't had much problems so far. Most of the parents did not feel a need to stay and watch. The few that have stayed, have been respectful. Maybe my respectful initial boundary setting discussion helps prevent problems.
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07-13-2007, 10:45 AM
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#17
Quote:
In terms of blame and contrition I would have to agree to a point with Japman but in the same breath agree with Seienchin, you shouldnt necessarily beat yourself up over hurting someone during training, as this is a full contact style we are talking about, there is definitely a responsibility on the part of all karateka, in particular kyokushinka, to determine and regulate what is an appropriate level of force. Especially with regard to whom you are fighting. I have learnt alot recently, training in both an adults dojo, full of competent strong fighters, with whom a good smash is mutually agreed upon and enjoyed, and also training at a childrens dojo, where for obvious reasons going all out out, 100% against a 13 year old would be looked down upon. Achieving a more controlled and decisive method in my fighting has resulted. The sparring at the children's dojo is no less intense, fighting using what Uncle calls "seam sparring" is the norm. Speed, movement, and spacial management become the focus, and this makes for a hell of a work out. This then translates into the harder fighting at adult trainings. You can smash alot harder but the additional skills picked up in the children's sessions make a huge difference to your ability to achieve your end. In all I think it is beneficial for those students who do have a habit of hurting people without realizing it, to be alerted to the fact as soon as possible, and also equipped with strategies that enable them to improve both their method and fighting concept for the good of the dojo. Just because a certain person lacks control doesn't mean it should tolerated, nor should it be punished. Sometimes the development of better fighters/kyokushinka comes more from the head, than the body.(?)
__________________
If every post was an hour training, how good would you be?
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07-13-2007, 11:32 AM
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#18
Lanky... couldn't agree more. One of the things I observed during the 1980s adn 1990s was that the fighters who actually did a lot of non-contact became very, very good full-contact fighters - because they had learned very good control. Not all can make this transition, but once they didi ...whew!I also agree that leading a karateka to insight and control should definitely be done without punishment. If the right attitudes are being cultivated, then he/she will "punish" themselves for carelessness and lack of control. I only think the Sensei should become involved in "punishment" if it comes down to refusal to learn or bullying. But ignoring it sends a wrong message to everybody.
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07-13-2007, 12:26 PM
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#19
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