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I usually get text messages of excuses before each session.

Some may be genuine, most are absolutely laughable.

I thought a thread of fabulous excuses for not training might amuse, so I'll start with a great one I heard today.

"I might not be there Monday as it's my birthday on Tuesday"

Instructors: Please add the best and most far-fetched you've heard - we could write a book.

Gary

[Nix]

Great thread! Bad excuses are plentiful.

"I can't make it for kumite practice on Saturday. I'm going to a concert in the evening."
"But practice is 10 am...?"
"Uh, yeah, but I have to get ready and stuff..."

---

I get many variations of this one:
"Can I do situps instead? My foot hurts."
"Good thing you don't need to use your feet for doing pushups. Get crackin'."

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"I had to look after the cat."

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"Car stalled." (student lives a ten-minute stroll from the dojo)

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"My gi was in the washer." and "I couldn't find my belt."

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By my opponent (who must have driven for hours to get there) at a tournament:
"I can't fight, because my mom washed my gi along with a red t-shirt, so it's all pink."

[Dent]

Osu!

(Overheard from inside the Dojo)
"Mommy, I don't want to!"
"But you have to, so you can get the new belt."
"But I don't want to!" (Some snuffling etc.)

Break

Mother walks in and says, with a straight face no less,

"X is home because he's not feeling well today."

I walked out and gave him his belt. Mother avoided me like the plague after that. Nicest thing she could have done for the Dojo!

Osu!

[epking1]

A: Do you wanna train tomorrow?
B: Yea OK bout 6.30pm

A: Are you coming training tonight?
B: Yea i'm up for it!!!!!
A: Were doing K-1 not Karate
B: Will i get punched in the face?
A: Probably!

Slight Pause

B: Do you know I did a weights session earlier, ill give it a miss.!!!


Heard this the other day from a teenager in the Gym(not really an excuse but still applies)

S: I dont wanna do Kickboxing anymore as i have just got a job in a hairdressers, and blackeyes and things like that dont go down well with the boss!

T: Ok if thats what you wanna do, I cant make you do kickboxing.

S: What i really wanna do is Kyokushin like you do, because they dont punch to the face!!

T: Yea why not, because a shin or a foot across the face never bruises anything.

S: Really!!!!!!!!!, shall i go carry on with kickboxing then?

T: Whatever makes you happy.

S: Have you seen my gloves????

[Hangtime]

At a testing:

Hangtime: Gear up! Time to spar.
M: (raises hand and approaches): I have to leave.
Hangtime: Testing's not done...you will fail everything you haven't done, which will cause you to fail the test.
M: That's OK.
Hangtime:
M: My sister is coming to pick me up
Hangtime: Can you spar until she gets here?
M: No. I don't have a mouthpiece.
Hangtime: You *did hear* the whole business about no-mouthpiece = auto-fail, right?
M: Yea...
Hangtime:
M: Can I go.
Hangtime: Sure, if you're OK with the consequence...
M: (runs out to check for her ride, then comes back) She's not here yet, but I'll wait for her over here (sits on the bleachers)
Mrs Hangtime: What's going on?
Hangtime: She's sitting sparring out
Mrs Hangtime: You are aware that you're going to fail this portion...right?
M: Yea.
Hangtime: no mouthpiece...
Mrs Hangtime: (grunts loudly, turns and walks away).
WYKKO: What's going on over here?
Hangtime: M is leaving...
WYKKO: Testing is not over.
Hangtime: Yep. Her ride is on the way. And she has no mouthpiece. She's aware of the consequence...

He pulled her aside & they talked; in the end, he threw up his hands and basically said "Whatever". It was maddening to say the least, LMAO.

[MilkManX]

I think the only one that irks me are the people who get lazy because they live "far" from the dojo.

So they only come once a week at best.

Then they do not train at home.

Then they can not figure out why they are not getting better.

Sensei lives 45 min away by car easily and he is there each session...

[IronCastKnight]

Originally Posted by MilkManX

I think the only one that irks me are the people who get lazy because they live "far" from the dojo.

So they only come once a week at best.

Then they do not train at home.

Then they can not figure out why they are not getting better.

Sensei lives 45 min away by car easily and he is there each session...

I concur; That's a terrible excuse. I agree even more because I live almost as far away as Sensei, and still try to make it to every class except when sick, injured, or otherwise highly inconvenienced.

Osu!

It's a little known fact that all sensei have the ability to manipulate and distort time, so despite whatever drama life throws at them they're the first to arrive and the last to leave.



Gary

[harukaze]

Originally Posted by GJEC

It's a little known fact that all sensei have the ability to manipulate and distort time, so despite whatever drama life throws at them they're the first to arrive and the last to leave.



Gary

Yudansha's secret training?
It's not in the syllabus nor in the curriculum, so no one knows about it 'til they achieve it, right?

[helenosch]

Originally Posted by GJEC

It's a little known fact that all sensei have the ability to manipulate and distort time, so despite whatever drama life throws at them they're the first to arrive and the last to leave

Or in case of my sensei - he's never late, we're just too early
He makes it up by extending the classes about everytime though... come to think of it, not really extending, it just isn't over in sensei time-counting system...

Maybe it's the magnetic field in the dojo - all those positive ions.

My stopwatch often runs on different time as well ...

Gary

[helenosch]

Originally Posted by GJEC

Maybe it's the magnetic field in the dojo - all those positive ions.

My stopwatch often runs on different time as well ...

Gary

At least you use a stopwatch and give your students the impression of actually taking the time!

[Dent]

Osu!

Originally Posted by helenosch

At least you use a stopwatch and give your students the impression of actually taking the time!

And by keeping it battery free, it's good for the environment!

Osu!

[kyofighter]

Just recently we had testing and one kid missed the testing because his father wasn't home to give him a ride and his mother said that she won't let him come because he might catch a cold after the testing.
The only problem is that this kid is 17 years old !
What's wrong with today's kids and parents ?!

[SurrenderWithin]

Here I was so naive... I thought my instructor was the only one with inability to count!!! I thought my instructor was the only one who ignored the fact that I gave him a stopwatch! In fact, he left the stopwatch in the rain!

Inability to count;It's in the blood!!!! Someone should have warned me that in time, as I grow in kyokushin, I will lose all sense of time and counting ability. This stuff should come with a warning label!!!

I suppose it is a good thing that I am not an accountant, nor aspire to be!!!

[FredInChina]

Kyokushin instructors only use "start watches", when the session begins; after that, it is open ended!
Osu!

Originally Posted by SurrenderWithin

(...)I suppose it is a good thing that I am not an accountant, nor aspire to be!!!

Hummm, reading your workout journal, I can see that you are accounting for gains and losses pretty well though...
Osu!

[DKKC]

Originally Posted by FredInChina

Kyokushin instructors only use "start watches", when the session begins; after that, it is open ended!
Osu!
Osu!

- That is sooooooo true!!!! - Brilliant!!

Another favourite is "Last ten!" when you know they've got at least 50 more in them ...

Comes back to feeling or measuring and it's another trick they show you in Sensei Evil School. (I'm a Past Master)

Gary

Can we get back to 'excuses' please? Thanks!

[Ros]

I thought I was going to turn up tonight with a 'be careful of the face, I've just had a root canal done' excuse but can't get into the dentist until tomorrow (which is odd considering I was told last week that I couldn't book an appointment until Monday morning - I phoned as soon as they opened this morning and they were full. How does that work then ?)!

[jcarmello]

A few years back we had a special weekend training camp that I couldnt attend due to a prior work commitment, when Shihan had asked why I couldnt make it to the training, I explained with a tone of dismay..."Well..my wife is set to get pregnant saturday and I believe I should be there!".

Needless to say we had an extra special training that night, that a few of us did not fare so well through, and I was not the most popular guy the next week.