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[residentrenzo]

Osu!

Please excuse me for the rant... but I feel a little depressed and I'm alone at home now - no one to talk to.

Had grading test today for 7 kyu. I trained and prepared myself... perhaps not the very best I could, but pretty hard indeed.

1) Arrived a little late at Honbu Dojo which was inevitable due to outdoors recording session I had scheduled for today (did you know musicians & artists aren't always on time?) I returned home so tired I HAD to nap a little. Then pick up my only "official" dogi at the cleaners' (I'm not allowed to use my kyoku-sen) one hour before test because had regular training yesterday and test the day after (today). I made it by the skin of my teeth (one of the examiner senseis himself was changing in the locker room). So I changed as fast as I could and head to the mat.

Nervous...

2) Messed up my Sokosugi Sono Ichi (forgot one mai keage after yoko geri).

3) I was asked to do a kata I wasn't taught! panicked and didn't know what to do so I stood in seiza. Shihan noticed and say "that blue belt's not doing anything". A black belt approaches me, I explain I don't have that kata, he tells me to try and follow the other students.

4) Ido geiko, did it exactly as I was taught at my dojo - finishing with gyaku tsuki. Black belt comes close "you're doing it wrong, it's seiken with the other hand" all right... tried to do as he said, messed up a couple times.

Embarrased...

5) Did kihon, conditioning, knuckle push ups, stand in hands, all OK. Then...

... yes, kumite! frustrating and bitter tasting. But today was worse.

6) We're asked to put light gloves, too few pairs and too many of us! Only the smelliest, broken and almost unusable pair left. I went back to look for another pair, but sensei told me "what are you doing? will you hurry up?" (man, it felt I wrapped my hands in a pair of unwashed summer running socks).

Nevermind, I told myself "I can still pass this if I show determination and strength. So go out and be more aggressive".

But I went too far I guess. Had 5-6 fights, tried to go forward, to connect... "hey you blue belt! easy there". Another fight...and another warning. I backed off a little, and got punched & kicked by white belts. I lost control, the little box training I've done kicked in and threw a couple of jabs (as feints not to connect)

"I swear it was a reflex I know face punches are forbidden sensei"

So final fight came, a nimble yellow belt. I noticed he's good at kicking. I feinted some jabs, to create opening... damn! I forgot again! "I told you face punches NOT allowed!" ok, so I backed off, received some tsukis and mawashis... nah, it's OK these teenagers don't hit hard, it just touchy feely so I threw a mae geri chodan to push the skinny kid away... and it landed close his crotch! Shihan was near and gave me a look.

Kumite's way too hard to do, I can only get hit a lot and I'm getting tired of it.

Test ends, I go change myself and head to locker room... someone stole my new $25 adidas cap. C*AP!

Osu!

[Evergrey]

OSU,

I am so sorry you had such a hard time of it! And a theft, that's awful! I know that happens, but we are supposed to rise to a higher standard of conduct in the dojo.

First of all, do not blame yourself for the things you were not trained in. Also, it is not bad of you for doing your kata in the manner you were trained.

Everyone gets nervous at a formal ranking, that's what I've been told, and it's easier to freeze up and get messed up on it.

Kumite... I so understand about the gloves thing. We don't wear them in class normally, and when I went up for my first formal grading, the kids ran in first and got almost every pair. I didn't own my own (why would I? What is with all this padding stuff?) and I stood in the locker room and basically threw a fit, though it was internal, because I didn't know what to do- there was one glove left, it was torn, and too big anyway. Finally Sensei Wah saw that I was standing there saying "There aren't any gloves... why am I supposed to wear gloves? I don't know what to do because there are none," and he loaned me a pair of his MMA gloves. Those were a lot less annoying than the big round ones that the kids wore, but I felt pretty disarmed.

Even more distressing was the helmet they stuck on my head because I didn't have a mouthguard. I could rant for pages about how evil that thing was. I felt like a cat wearing pants.

Then they put me up against a black belt for kumite who grabbed my lead hand and punched me (lightly) in the head for the whole sparring session.

I went over and over the ranking in my head, and every little thing I did wrong. I was absolutely certain that I was just TERRIBLE in it and had failed for sure, and instead of staying after class, I asked Sensei to please take me home, and when I got in the car, I burst into tears!

I got over it and myself though. They let you wait a week or two before giving you the results, so you can think it over. And actually, that was good, because it gave me time to think about everything I had done right and wrong, the expectations that I had for myself versus the expectations the judges had, and I realized that hey... I used to not be able to leave the house on my own for weeks at a time, and I just got up and tested in front of all those people! I was sure I was failing but I kept on going, kept on working on it... and I needed to not be afraid of failure. Failure is a great teacher.

You can only do your best. Put your heart and spirit and mind into it, keep practicing, keep training, ask questions. People who treat you like crap for asking questions, by the way, are not worth your time. With higher ranks you might ask "may I ask a question" before asking, if your dojo is formal. But any instructor worth their salt will appreciate the student who wishes to understand more.

So you know what? You did it all too! You didn't give up! And pass or fail, you will have more chances. Good for you for working at it.

OSU!

[knuckleheader]

Muscian? O K, but you should know how to be at class on time. You should set a schedule so you'll be on time without rushing. You will have to learn to relax. Don't create more anxiety by rushing and not being prepared with a clean gi.

You'll learn not to punch in the face, when someone does the same to you.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Next time, be prepared and on time with a clean gi. Music doesn't matter when you go for promotion. Focus on the task at hand.

[Last_Empire]

wow, i really think id be upset if this happened to me
Was the grading held with a sensei that wasnt your sensei? Did he inform the graders that you had not been taught the kata but were told u could go for the grading?

I know exactly what you mean about the gloves, when I went a place once, we had to use gloves like that, and I couldnt get the smell off for 3 days. You definately have my sympathy there

With the kumite, was it that you were fighting much lower grades that they expected you to go lighter? In your story you dont seem to sound like you went all out, just turned it up a bit.

Head shots I hope they dont hold that too much against you, did you connect hard?

I can not believe that at a grading someone stole your cap! were there people there that wernt from your usual dojo?

On the bright side, you may not fail?

[jcarmello]

So essentially you are telling us you failed yourself, with out the benefit of having your Sensei do it for you!! Yeah, I have done the same thing!!! A few times!!

Come to terms with what you did well, and focus on improving the items you missed or performed poorly at. And remember....your Sensei is the one who passes or fails you!!

Donald Trump once said of bad days and poor decisions....."Sometimes a short term memory is a good thing!!"

OSU!!

[Last_Empire]

Originally Posted by jcarmello

So essentially you are telling us you failed yourself, with out the benefit of having your Sensei do it for you!! "your Sensei is the one who passes or fails you!!



OSU!!

A thing to remember!

[residentrenzo]

Originally Posted by knuckleheader

Muscian? O K, but you should know how to be at class on time. You should set a schedule so you'll be on time without rushing. You will have to learn to relax.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Next time, be prepared and on time with a clean gi. Music doesn't matter when you go for promotion. Focus on the task at hand.

Osu!

FYI I work as a sound technician. I expect music to pay my bills, and yes, also my karate studies.

Sensei told me to be there ay 17:40 and I got there 17:50 so 10 mins is not that of a big deal when you're at it doing your job right? So please understand... it was a work appointment.

I'm a grown up 41 year old man and I certainly know to be on time. I can't yell at the artists I'm supposed to record if they're late you know? (you risk never working with them again) I guess you're not in the music business, but let me tell you, with some guys, lateness is just the tip of the iceberg... I'm a musician too and I've seen a lot of dysfunctional characters in this business.

You'll learn not to punch in the face, when someone does the same to you.

That's harsh - even rude from you... and you don't even know me personally. If you did, you'd see I'm a very respectful guy who doesn't foul plays. Perhaps I can't express myself in written English but I assure you, I never threw a face punch intentionally. Please understand that unexperienced people make mistakes when they're under pressure, out of naivete, not guile. What I did was a stupid reflex from being unprepared for kumite and it's the truth. I'd NEVER use full force in a kumite, that'd be as stupid as playing with a loaded gun.

No one got hurt and I even talked to those kids afterwards - no one was angry with me and even told me they enjoyed the grading test.

Don't create more anxiety by rushing and not being prepared with a clean gi.

It so happens I have two GIs but I'm not allowed to use the one that's not "official". And I can't expect the cleaner lady to "hurry up and get my GI sooner" that'd be even more rude. I gave it to her as soon as she opened store (8:30 AM), and if she says 17:00, that's how it is. You can't rush some people in this country, this is Latin America after all.

I feel a little angrier & sadder after reading your post. I don't expect pampering but if I didn't care about karate would I be here home alone feeling frustrated and feeling depressed?

I'm tired of explaining and I know I'm going to have more problems next Monday class. Please excuse me my temper, but it's like I'm the bad guy here and I'm not. Perhaps I'll fail my grading but not due to lack of dedication and work.

Osu!

[residentrenzo]

Originally Posted by jcarmello

So essentially you are telling us you failed yourself, with out the benefit of having your Sensei do it for you!! Yeah, I have done the same thing!!! A few times!!
OSU!!

Osu!

I'm glad I'm not alone...

Osu!

[Deaken]

Originally Posted by residentrenzo

Osu!

FYI I work as a sound technician. I expect music to pay my bills, and yes, also my karate studies.

Sensei told me to be there ay 17:40 and I got there 17:50 so 10 mins is not that of a big deal when you're at it doing your job right? So please understand... it was a work appointment.

I'm a grown up 41 year old man and I certainly know to be on time. I can't yell at the artists I'm supposed to record if they're late you know? (you risk never working with them again) I guess you're not in the music business, but let me tell you, with some guys, lateness is just the tip of the iceberg... I'm a musician too and I've seen a lot of dysfunctional characters in this business.



That's harsh - even rude from you... and you don't even know me personally. If you did, you'd see I'm a very respectful guy who doesn't foul plays. Perhaps I can't express myself in written English but I assure you, I never threw a face punch intentionally. Please understand that unexperienced people make mistakes when they're under pressure, out of naivete, not guile. What I did was a stupid reflex from being unprepared for kumite and it's the truth. I'd NEVER use full force in a kumite, that'd be as stupid as playing with a loaded gun.

No one got hurt and I even talked to those kids afterwards - no one was angry with me and even told me they enjoyed the grading test.



It so happens I have two GIs but I'm not allowed to use the one that's not "official". And I can't expect the cleaner lady to "hurry up and get my GI sooner" that'd be even more rude. I gave it to her as soon as she opened store (8:30 AM), and if she says 17:00, that's how it is. You can't rush some people in this country, this is Latin America after all.

I feel a little angrier & sadder after reading your post. I don't expect pampering but if I didn't care about karate would I be here home alone feeling frustrated and feeling depressed?

I'm tired of explaining and I know I'm going to have more problems next Monday class. Please excuse me my temper, but it's like I'm the bad guy here and I'm not. Perhaps I'll fail my grading but not due to lack of dedication and work.

Osu!

OSU, I understand that you are frustrated and maybe some of the language is lost in translation, but I think that you are over reacting to the posts. One of Kyokushin's biggest lessons is that it is not always fair and you deal with it, shrug it off and keep going, just like in life.

This will pass, you may or may not (pass) your grading this time but you will the next time and you will know what is expected and what to do and will be able to better emotionally react when unexpected adversity (fair or not) happens which is a significant skill to learn.

[residentrenzo]

Originally Posted by Deaken

OSU, I understand that you are frustrated and maybe some of the language is lost in translation, but I think that you are over reacting to the posts. One of Kyokushin's biggest lessons is that it is not always fair and you deal with it, shrug it off and keep going, just like in life.

This will pass, you may or may not (pass) your grading this time but you will the next time and you will know what is expected and what to do and will be able to better emotionally react when unexpected adversity (fair or not) happens which is a significant skill to learn.

Osu!

Yes, I agree the world we live in is not a fair place. A quote I heard:

"You want the world to be fair, so you pretend it is".

Believe me, passing the grade & belt are less important now that I'll be soon relocating and left without kyokushin. I'll have to switch to another MA. So this probably was my last grading.

Thanx for your PM Last Empire, I appreciate it!

Osu!

[Last_Empire]

Who knows tho, your new ma may give you more of the things you were missing at this dojo

[residentrenzo]

Originally Posted by Last_Empire

Who knows tho, your new ma may give you more of the things you were missing at this dojo

Osu!

Cleaner gloves I hope

Indeed, who knows? They say when a door closes, a window is thrown open

BTW, Last Empire... are you a musician/sound technician too? What instrument/music do you play?

Osu!

[Last_Empire]

Pm

[RJC]

Some days just have it in for you. No problem, as long as you move on from it. I think if you stay open to the possibility that next class/session could end up being much more fun, then you'll get what you want out of the training.
I remember being picked on by our Tuesday class Senpai. I thought the guy just didn't like me, but I was told by another Senpai that the guy is a "****" and that my opinion of him was spot-on.

[FredInChina]

Wow ResidentRenzo, you make a great learning experience sound a lot worse than it was...

0- Things that worked:
- Conditioning, stamina, strength, etc... Great!
- "show determination and strength. So go out and be more aggressive" Great! Spirit & aggression, you have the "hard to learn" stuff.

1- Factors you can control:
- Training "not the very best you could" --- well, you know...
- Be on time: if you know you won't, let someone know that your work that day, etc... That won't excuse you, but at least someone will understand. End of day, everyone has great excuses, who cares?
- Dogi: The Latin American Lady is slow yadda yadda yadda... see above about excuses. WHEN you give her your dogi is under your control & she did not get slow only today!
- Gloves: Get your own! (you can get a pair for cheaper than a cap)
- Messed up kata: Life happens, more training helps, but that's for next time, Move on!
- Kumite: this being the ultimate goal of kyokushin, it sums up where you are at at this moment: frustrating, bitter tasting, losing control & way too hard to do... Acknowledge, learn & move on.
- ego, pride, embarrassment --- cultivate detachment & a thicker skin!
- Stolen cap: report to your sensei. Get a lock on your bag or locker! Wear cheap stuff to the dojo! Confront the class next time asking for it to be returned!
- Nobody to talk to: Have dinner at Mum's on grading nights. (replace by GF, Aunty, or whatever comforting soul that will pity you, OR, go celebrate in town!)

2- Factors that you cannot control:
Move on after asking your sensei about that kata that was not taught. (why did others know it BTW?)

So, what did you learn?

Osu!

[Evergrey]

PS- I did pass that grading. I don't know if you will pass this one, but if you do not, don't beat yourself up over it! Just focus on the things you can change, and see if there is anything you can do about getting others to help you with the things you cannot change on your own... and the upset feelings will probably fade in time. It took me a few days to feel better about it, but I eventually did! OSU!

[residentrenzo]

Osu!

Thanx Ev!
BTW I've seen your Pinan Ichi vid... there's a some few different bits with our IKO3 Pinan Ichi, but it's really the same. You look relaxed, in control of your breathing when you perform katas. I tend to get a little stiff.


Wow Fred... you startin' to sound like a brown belt already!
(kidding).

I agree to a point with you - excuses and what can one control. My dad is one of the most hardworking persons I've ever known, told me once about this domino theory... one's inefficiencies will cause a a chain of mishaps within a group of people, like chain reaction.

"Not training the very best I could" well, you know... because I wish I could train 5 hours daily, with weights, jogging, etc... yeah right, I'm not a superhero, hahahaha. But I don't miss training sessions and Lord do I I break a sweat!

Sosai himself said there`s always room from improvement - imagine if our lives depended on how hard we train?

Lessons learned:
1-Gloves = Once changed I can't reach my bag for my own (I have TWO pairs, LOL).
2-Dogi = slow people need more time, it's up to us to deal or not with them. And next time I'll wash my dogi at home the night before.
3-Detachment and thicker skin = I put a 'poker face' in public but once I'm alone I can confess to myself my inner feelings. Sharing them is catharsis.
4-Stolen goods = now I know not to trust students at honbu dojo! Then again, 25 bucks less won't change my life, hahaha.
5-Nobody to talk to = when I'm in a foul mood it's best to be alone... otherwise I'd alienate my family & friends.

**** happens! (Forrest Gump).

Osu!

[FredInChina]

Originally Posted by residentrenzo

(...) Sosai himself said there`s always room from improvement - imagine if our lives depended on how hard we train? (...)

Sosai hisself said that, but our own Hangtime/Sandman WYKKO couple of the year say that:
"The giggest room is the room for improvement"



Osu!

[sandman]

Originally Posted by FredInChina

Sosai hisself said that, but our own Hangtime/Sandman WYKKO couple of the year say that:
"The giggest room is the room for improvement"



Osu!

Fred, I don't remember saying that

... but I agree with it!

Residentrenzo, I don't have much to add that hasn't been said already. You're disappointed in the way things went - long story short, the best thing you can do is to learn something from it, and pick up and move on. Thomas Edison didn't invent the light bulb on his first try (or even his first 99 tries...) but he kept at it. So should you. Embarrassment and disappointment can be good motivational tools - use them!

Seems to me that you have a choice - use the experience as an excuse to quit or use it as a challenge to come back stronger. The time to decide is now! (I think you know which choice I'm hoping you'll make )

[Hangtime]

Originally Posted by FredInChina

Life happens, more training helps, but that's for next time, Move on!

RR --If testing were easy, EVERYBODY would do it!

If testing weren't nerve racking, every class would be a test.

If there was no room for improvement, you'd sign up for class and be would immediately given a black belt.

I could go on with this very tongue-in-cheek-but-so-very-true post, but fact is, you've learned a lot about yourself, about testing, about your training, and about how to prepare. Take those lessons and grow from them. Beating yourself up is only going to hinder your progress my friend. Take it all in stride and keep progressing

There is not one person on K4L who can say they had a perfect test every single time out. As a matter of fact, I'll tell you what I did that made my testing experiences so much better. I said to myself, right before my 5th kyu test:

You're going to screw up eventually. Let it go. Make everything you do before and after that screw up make your board forget about it too.

I immediately began having fun with testing. Not only that, it became a personal challenge to have a better test than the last. It became a competition of sorts with myself; not only that, the black belts began to take notice and tried to find new ways to challenge me. I'm a better karateka for it.

...and I get the feeling you'll be a better on too after this last experience

Originally Posted by sandman

Fred, I don't remember saying that

... but I agree with it!

Ditto!

OSU!